The Purpose of Goals, The Power of Failure, and The Pursuit of Dreams
Shrewd + Beatific
Last week I had the opportunity to take a freshman from my alma mater to lunch after he finished interviewing with the Firm for a coveted summer internship spot. The recruiter was hoping that over a nice meal, I would talk up the Firm’s accomplishments and why this recruit should choose us. However, an hour and a half later I was the one that left the lunch feeling inspired.
You see, traveling to New York for an interview two and a half months into your college experience is not normal. I didn’t do that until I was a junior and, even then, I was so nervous. This kid on the other hand appeared calm, excited, and expectant of good things.
Want to know why? He felt like this was the next step in his plan.
What plan? You might be asking. How does an 18 year old have it all together when I'm 20-something and I don’t even have a clear path forward?! I hear you!
Luckily, he happily shared his plans and vision with me. With varying steps along the way, his goal is to start at the firm as an intern, join full-time, make partner in 7 years, invest and become a millionaire by 30, and then keep doing what he was doing as a partner and investor in order to become a billionaire by 45.
He was so sure of himself, his goals, and his vision. Surprisingly, I wasn’t even turned off by it, as a listener. It was inspiring because his motives seem genuine and positive: he’d been raised by his Nigerian single mother and wanted a better life for her and his future family.
He wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone but himself.
And it wasn't just the future he was dreaming about, I think the key to his confidence was that he was in the midst of living his well-laid plans. He had already applied for scholarships and received a full ride to the best school he could get into that offered the right classes he was interested in. He then researched what would make the most money and, after initially considering engineering, decided that consulting would be a better fit.
Where does drive like that come from? Why do some of us seem to have it and others of us don’t?
I don't share his story to say that as Christian women we must emulate this man in every facet. Rather, I think he personifies a tenacity and vision that we can appreciate, especially considering he didn't have a role model to look to for guidance or direction.
The fascinating thing is that we do and yet it can have the opposite effect. We're not short on role models, either in our workplace or churches. They might be men or women, but I think overall we are blessed with tremendously talented and godly people in this city.
And yet, rather than seeing them and thinking If I follow their lead, I can get where they are the enemy gets in our head and we think That person is great. I wish I could be (like) them! with a clear understanding that they have ownership of something that we do not. I think that this is especially prevalent in a city like New York where there are so many successful people.
To make matters worse the game of comparison is fierce here. And, honestly, rightly so.
If you want to compare yourself to others then this is not a place for amateurs. New York is home to capitals of industry and millions of people flock here with a bag and their dreams and not much else.
I think that is why perspective and rootedness is so important.
Are you rooted in Christ or in this world? If it's the former, you can stand firm in your convictions and say no to things that don't align with your goals and morals. If it's the latter, you might drift and not even know it.
I think back to the community I grew up in with morally upright people and secular ideologies. My childhood was filled with overachieving kids and a mix of hardworking and helicopter parents.
You need to get good grades, they said. If you get good grades, you can go to a good college, which will position you well for a good job and then you’ll be set!
I don’t know if you ever noticed it before, but that voice comes from a place of fear.
It might seem counter-intuitive because it sounds so calm and rational, but what I hear when I reply that now is: Don’t take any risks! Don’t try to be different. Do what everyone else is doing – work hard and get good grades – and then you will get rewarded for your hard work by getting a job that is safe, stable, and consistent.
You see? By not failing, we are also not trying to be exceptional either. Different can be both bad and good, and in this case, most baby boomers have cautioned their kids away from it because being different does not guarantee results.
Being different is scary.
And yet, I think I’m here today to say: Be you. Be different.
Be who God made you to be in your career.
Have the courage to trust yourself and who He made you to be.
What would you do if you could not fail?
When people are asked this question they usually fall into two camps: the first is that this question will reveal something that they can leverage to live a fuller life. The second is that their answer is a dream and fantasy that is wholly removed from their life all together.
I read an article in The New Yorker about resiliency yesterday that said: "Resilient children had what psychologists call an 'internal locus of control': they believed that they, and not their circumstances, affected their achievements."
On a good day, I too believe that I help determine my future and, as such, fall into the first camp.
I know for a fact that many of you fall into the second camp and, if you're feeling particularly vulnerable and honest with yourself, you wanted to be in the first but are afraid of what the journey would require of you.
The first step to getting there would be to ask yourself: why do you think it’s separate?
From my perspective, that’d be the same thing as saying that your dreams and desires don’t matter and are unimportant as it relates to what you will spend your entire life doing. That seems like an awful long time to not ask yourself if you even like or want what you do every day.
The second question I would ask is this: when you think about what you are doing and how you currently approach your life, who’s voice do you hear? I’d gander that more often than not, it’s not your own.
When I think about the repercussions of living a life based on what someone else has told you is important, I am reminded of a quote from Donald Miller’s Scary Close: “Remarkably, the most common regret of the dying was this: they wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life others expected of them”.
I don’t think that the people that nurtured you wanted you to be safe or average. I think they want you to be happy and their advice was the safest and all-encompassing that they and everyone else were recommending.
Getting good grades in elementary school is a great thing, but I think finding a love for learning is even more important emphasis. As I unfortunately learned in college, your grades are not necessarily a direct reflection of what you take away from a class.
From there, I think the stress needs to be on equipping yourself for what is to come and to be able to take advantage of opportunity as it arises.
Your life is unique to you. Your interests, passions, advantages, and triumphs position you well to tackle specific challenges that you are distinctly equipped to face and overcome.
It might be uncomfortable and it might be unsettling to imagine how your life could change if you were to let go of what people expect of your or what you’ve be conditioned to think is the point, but I promise you if you work through the questions and get yourself to a place where you are open-minded about the future and think you can directly make a different, you will make a difference.
What do you do when your plans “fail”?
Maybe I loved speaking with this young gentleman because he reminded me of myself at eighteen years old: driven and goal-oriented. I’ve mentioned it before, but before God changed my heart and overhauled my life my eyes were on the money prize.
I remember a guy I was dating when I was 20 asked me where I saw myself in five years. I responded by saying that I would be killing it and making loads of money. I'd then marry someone that also would be the same way and together we’d build an empire together as a team.
The funny thing is, until this moment, it didn’t dawn on me how close that actually is to the current desire of my heart.
However, the major differences blinded me to the commonalities in the narrative.
I still imagine killing it, but doing so for the Kingdom.
I still imagine making good money because I know that each of us has our role and if I can make money now – to give to others, save for whatever God has in store for me, and to spend on a life here in New York – then why shouldn’t I?
Also, more importantly, if I am telling other women to get paid for their work and worth and I know that the men I work with make a very good salary then why would I not secure that for myself as well?
I still want to marry someone that understands me and shares my vision. Not the part about making a lot and spending it on ourselves, which was my initial plan but rather being diligent and smart about how he works and aspiring to earn what is competitive for his role regardless of whether he is a teacher, doctor, server, consultant, architect, etc.
And lastly, the empire is still in the dream but it looks a bit different. It’s less about glitzy penthouse apartments, new cars, and houses in the Hamptons and more about having a dining room table big enough for friends like family, a guest room for my parents stay for a while if they want to spend time with their grandchildren, and the joint desire to empower and inspire others to live their best lives for the Kingdom.
The point of all of this is that ten years ago I knew who I was and didn't even realize it. I am still the driven and goal-oriented girl that confidently laid out my plan for someone who wasn't nearly as ambitious as I was.
However, the journey I’ve been on since has shifted my eyes to God and serving other people rather than serving myself. My drive is directed towards enhancing my life for the benefit of others. My goals are to contribute to the Kingdom in the best way I know how.
I think you can do this as well.
Everything that you desire can be positioned towards good.
How do I know that? Because you were made in God’s image and He doesn’t mess up!
Your talents and skills are transferrable. Your past experiences can be used to position yourself for success in the future.
Just because I “failed” at achieving the life I aspired to at twenty does not mean that I am a failure.
Neither are you.
I believe that you have potential. There is something you do well and it’s up to you to identify it, hone it, and bless other people with it.
Are you up for the challenge?
Let’s achieve our dreams together!
