Year-End Reflections: The Relationship Edition

I am excited to kick off a new series this week where we will process the interpersonal, career and financial state of your life looking back over 2016 and then forward thinking to the person you’re becoming in 2017. 

In the midst of the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, I urge you to begin your reflection early. I mostly say this from experience because I too tend to get caught up on the holiday parties and work events only to then feign surprise that somehow it’s the 29th, New Years is right around the corner, and I feel completely unprepared for the new year.

I guess the inherent assumption is that I need to be prepared and I’m not.

Some of you might not care about the changing of the calendar year and that is perfectly all right. If that’s the case, these posts aren’t for you.

They’re for those of you that, like me, want to improve with age and are intentional in that pursuit.

The posts in this series will be structured in such a way that I want you to process your answer to the questions that I am asking you and myself as well as considering what your version of my stories are. I want this to be as interactive as you’d like it to be.

Your relationship with others

This is a large bucket that may contains romantic interests, relatives, friends, and coworkers.

2016

Looking back over the course of this past year, how do you feel about the way things turned out interpersonally? How much control do you feel like you had over the direction your life took in terms of your relationships this year?

Did you get what you hoped for?

If you had told me that in the past year I would find someone I wanted to date the old fashioned way and again via online dating, discover a new best friend, and feel more confident and secure in the state of my relationships overall, I don’t think I would have believed you.

This time last year two of my first and close friends moved away from New York and it felt impossible to imagine how my relational life would find its footing in a way that matched the life I had created for myself in 2015.

I’d gone to destination weddings, had girls over to pray for my new apartment, been a part of a post-church dinner “crew”, and embraced the overall church community.

God’s miraculous vision for my life – especially my relationships – is astounding.

It’s one of the reasons I felt like He wanted me to write about it in particular on Shrewd + Beatific when it had been mostly Personal Finance and Careers up to the final hour. 

Despite God’s goodness, this year has certainly had its ups and downs. In reflection and with perspective, I actually don’t mind it because in those periods of challenge because I know that God is asking me to grow so I try to see Him in that.

However, in the midst of the heartbreak and struggle, it is admittedly much harder to understand the "point" of everything.

While there were a lot of amazing mountain top moments – the birth of my niece, excited exploration of romantic relationships, work triumphs, and the development of rich friendships – there were equally heartbreaking interactions – setbacks at work, dissolution of relationships, and more. 

Through it all, I am so thankful for my life. I pray that gratitude overflows from my heart forever.

How do you feel like God has grown and invested in your relationships with others this year? How has He shown up in 2016 in ways that you did not anticipate?

2017

All that being said, it almost feels laughable to look towards 2017 with any type of clear expectation. I have no idea what God will do in my relationships!

There is only one thing I know: I am hopeful.  

Will God present opportunities for me to grow in compassion, love, and understanding this upcoming year? Will He present, once again, another gentleman that catches my interest and is a compelling potential partner? How can I continue to love my coworkers and be the light in the darkness that our work persistently clouds us in?

For you, what do you hope for? What does your heart long for? In what relationships do you wish for freedom?

Your relationship with yourself

2016

This can feel vulnerable and tough, but stay with me okay? I’m a Brené Brown enthusiastic and intimately know the benefits of being honest and real with others.

Often time we think about others, but rarely think about ourselves. Or we think about ourselves to the detriment of others. The key is to hold ourselves in balance with others. We are neither better than nor are we less than them.

Thinking back to last year, do you know the kind of person you were? How did you respond to conflict? How did feel about the future?

Do you feel happy?

Can you even identify the emotion you feel?

These are all important elements of understanding yourself. 

For the past couple of years, the growth I have experienced was tangible over time but minuscule in the moment.

Last year, I told a boy I was interested in him to his face and asked if was interest in me back. (He wasn’t.) 

I also socialized my dream of starting a blog that would serve a platform for Christian women of different neighborhoods and socioeconomic backgrounds to answer “important urban questions” – read: Does having a Christian roommate matter? Do you give to people on the street? Does liking expensive aspects of living in New York make me a bad Christian? – to see if anyone was interested in building it with me. (They weren’t.)

These moments, among many others, seem insignificant as nothing came of them. And yet, for me, these were huge moments of boldness and courage.

I had never in my entire life told a guy I liked him to his face, especially with the confidence that there was actually a chance he might feel the same way.

I had never felt so strongly about a personal, God-led dream that I progressed to the mobilization phase.

And yet, to the outside eye, these were abject failures.

But here’s the thing about eventual success: you need to be well-practiced in the art of skillfully failing. 

I didn’t succeed with others in 2016 by living in a vacuum. I grew because I had been working to position myself in the months, and sometimes years, prior to that.

The life I’ve experienced didn’t happen by chance. I pressed into the uncomfortableness of it all and searched for growth, despite the sometimes unpleasant emotional response.

How did you grow this year? What did you learn? In what ways have you fallen more in love with yourself?

For the longest time, I felt like I “cared too much” and it was something to be ashamed of. It made me weak and vulnerable.

This year, I decided to embrace it.

I care.

Sue me.

("Too much" is a relative term, which I reject.)

2017

Thinking ahead: I feel like the sky is the limit. I want to go into 2017 with abandon. I want it all. Whatever I need to experience in order to position myself well for future tasks for the Kingdom.

I want learn to appreciate myself more because it will help me love others even better.

I want to grow in compassion and understanding.

I want to feel increasing comfort with the word “no” and being able to identify what gives me life and what decidedly will not.

I want to have the courage to step through the doors open to me and embrace the adventure I feel will present itself.

What do you hope you learn this year? What about yourself are you hoping to explore more? Where do you want to let go, press in, and/or develop?

Your relationship with God

2016 

It’s hard to separate this out because your relationship with God permeates every other relationship you have, but I often encounter girls during prayer (I'm on the prayer team) that either feel close or far from God and I think this is the area where we’d address experiences like that. 

In this past year, do you feel you understand God better, worse, the same?

Do you feel like you trust Him?

Where do you think He is during the mundane and uneventful moments of your life?

I think my personal biggest struggle in my relationship with God is wondering why things are happening to me.  

As such, this likely also the area He’s inviting me into to grow the most in.

I often don’t question where God is, but I struggle to understand what His purpose is with the path my life has taken.  

It’s probably a control thing.

In my job, I like to have the inside scoop and understand where we’re headed in order to increase the efficiency of making it there swiftly with little issue.

Without realizing it, that’s how I was treating God.

Tell me the plan, God. I can help you! (As if He needs my help - ha!)

To which, I think I am increasingly becoming aware that His reply was something along the lines of:

Don’t you trust me, my child? Don’t you believe in my goodness and faithfulness? I will never take you somewhere that cannot be used for my glory. Trust me…

What about you? Where do you stand with your relationship with your heavenly Father? What role does he play in your life? 

2017

I think I am growing in faith. This blog is a testament to that.  

However, I think there is so much more I can let God into.

So for this upcoming year, I pray that I let go of the rains completely and just let Him do his thing no matter how crazy it sounds.

There are so many instances in the bible where God ask people to do things that just sound straight up cray-cray and yet His ways are greater than our ways.

What is God inviting you into? Who does He say He is and you are? What areas of your relationship with Him do you want increased depth and understanding?

You are loved by God.

You are cherished and deserving of deep relationships, self-love, and a life-affirming relationship with Christ.

May this post bless you and challenge you to sufficiently reflect on your current life while also propelling you towards your heart-goals in 2017!